You took the plunge and got a Facebook account. It might have been all the hype; or, maybe it was to understand the website that has become a major focus in your child's life. Now you've set up shop and understand why social network sites are so compelling. One evening you make an innocent comment about something your child posted or even something posted by a relative that you both have "friended." Then, your teenager turns to you and says, "Eww, don't be such a stalker. Or, "Yuck, you are such a creeper."

These words might hit you in a vulnerable spot. After all, your social network identity is new and you are still a stranger in a strange land. It might have also made you angry because as the parent who took the time to learn about this stuff how dare you be insulted! Perhaps this hasn't happened at your house (at least to your face), but chances are that if you have gone ahead and gotten a digital life, your 12-18 year old will call you a stalker or a creeper.

What does it mean to be a stalker or creeper? Stalker and creeper are words that describe what it feels like when curiosity about someone in the digital world goes too far. The more complicated part is understanding why and how these words have become important to teenagers. There is also the need for parents to take the moment when they are called a stalker or a creeper as an opportunity to connect with their teenager instead of becoming self-conscious or angry.

Here is everything you need to know about stalkers and creepers and how to use these words as a way to plug in with your teenager.

Teenagers are aware that stalkers and creepers come in different flavors that can range from innocent to inappropriate to dangerous. Wanting to know more about someone you have a crush on is innocent, an obsession is often inappropriate and predators are dangerous. When teens talk about creepers and stalkers they will use the same words to cover all the bases. It is important to hear kids out before assuming that they are in a dangerous online situation. The actual teen definition is often conveyed in the way it is said or who it is being used to describe. Kids will call each other, or even themselves, stalkers and creepers which can be completely innocent. "I was a total creeper but he's just so cute." Or they can use the words to describe a disturbing online event that is closer to the adult definition of creep or stalker. "I just shut off the computer because this guy seemed like such a creeper." Parents need to be keyed into the subtleties of how kids use these words if they are going to be able to have a real conversation with their teenager.

Being keyed in also takes adults who understand the complexity of these words. We have gone from maybe listing our number in the phone book to having profile pages in less than a generation and teenagers are struggling (along with the rest of us) to figure out what is private and what is public information in a digital era where etiquette and manners are still catching up. Also, we are not yet comfortable with our digital selves that are open 24/7 for people to look at and scrutinize. (Don't forget, teenagers are yet to be comfortable with their real selves!) Furthermore, there are the developmental difficulties teens face in learning about self control and good decisions while living on the cutting edge of a digital frontier. Add this all together and you can see how confusing this must be for your teen and why calling someone else (namely you) a stalker or creeper might be a way to challenge and understand the boundaries of their complicated world. We also have to give them some credit for (name) calling these issues to our attention and forcing a conversation that is overdue. For families, this conversation is about where supervision leaves off and intrusion begins and for everyone with a social network profile it is about finding alternatives to being a stalker or creeper in a digital world.

When "stalkers" and "creepers" come up in your home, even if they come up about you, it should be seen as an opportunity. A simple non-defensive question like, "How does that make me a stalker?" is a good place to start. If being inquisitive is shot down, forge on with a simple statement, "I really want to know because the etiquette of all this is new to me: while I want to know what you're up to, I also really want to be reasonable about it." This admits that you know less about this world than your child (which is true) and that you want to be involved in figuring out how these issues impact your family life and your relationships with friends and relatives, because that's what parents do. The goal is to get a conversation going about the confusion of living in a world where obtaining digital information is as easy as the click of a button but there are still human consequences when boundaries are violated.

Now that social network sites are no longer just the domain of teens, everyone is getting a taste of both the positive and challenging aspects of digital living. It is healthy to be curious about others and to want to be known, but there are limits. The words "stalker" and "creeper" illustrate the challenge of keeping impulses in check when technology has removed the walls to obtaining information. "Stalkers" and "creepers" are the teenage way of expressing the confusing mix of joy and pain that comes along with being seen in a digital world. This is a great opportunity for parents to make themselves part of the conversation and collaborate with their teenager to find the right distance between watching responsibly and being a creeper or a stalker.